Quote

"If you don't risk anything, you risk more." - Erica Jong

I can relate to this quote in at least one significant way recently. I have been in a relationship for 3 years now. Really only half a year out of our relationship has been worth calling a relationship. So I guess you may be wondering how we even made it to three years. We do both "love" each other. I wouldn't say at 15 I really knew what the word "love" was, but I sure used it frequently like I knew all about it. Even today being 18 I still haven't figured out what it really means to be in love. I don't think an 18 year old should have to try to decode this mysterious word. When you're 18 you're really just starting out your life. You're in college and you're beginning the path to your future career. Well, at 15, this guy was my first boyfriend. In the past I had some "relationships" where there were mutual feelings, but I was too young and my parents greatly disapproved of any idea of dating. Which leads me to what this quote means to me. I have been thinking a lot lately about why I am settling for less. I struggle with myself because sometimes I just know this relationship isn't right for me, but I'm afraid to leave it. I guess I have become comfortable with where I'm at. I'm afraid of putting myself back out there trying to find the "right" one. What if I have to go through a bunch of jerks and end up being a lonely 25 year-old still searching for Mr. Right. But if I don't risk anything, I will never know who may be out there for me. Who knows? Maybe there's a guy that will make me forget about all the qualities and expectations I look for in a guy, because he's just that great. Maybe a guy that brings out the best values in me, and makes me feel more confident than ever. If I don't risk leaving this relationship that just goes in cycles from bad to good to bad, then I will never know what potential could be out there. A guy that could maybe change my life in an extremely positive way could be out there, and it's up to me to find out.